The Little Things In Life Are Huge

March 5

No special update today as far a medical issues but I have a lot on my mind that I wanted to share with you.     My cancer journey hit the 6 month mark last week.  6 months of worry, stress, feeling scared, not sleeping, not eating very much at all, sick and can’t do anything but watch TV, read or search on the computer to pass the time.  To some, not doing anything might sound fun and relaxing but trust me..when you don’t have a a choice, it isn’t fun at all.

I am a very independent woman.  I have never liked having to ask anyone for help.  That all has to change when you get sick with an illness that basically puts your life in danger and on hold for a long time.  My life stopped in August as far as me being who I am…a daughter, a friend, an artist, songwriter, musician, producer, yard worker and more.  (I love to work in my yard when I have time.  It’s good therapy)!  For the first time in my life I’ve had to accept help from many and it still continues on after 6 months and will continue on for many months ahead.

I have learned a lot in the last 6 months.  I have been reminded that there are still great people in this world and not everyone is a out for themselves.  People are there for you when you need them.  Sometimes you might have to ask for their help because they might not know what you need.  It’s ok to ask and be specific on what your needs are.  People want to help, they offer but we don’t always take them up on it because we feel we might be bothering them but people do want to help we just have to let them.  And if you know someone that you think needs help, ask them what can you do to help them.  It all comes back around and some day you might need the help.  It’s been very hard for me to learn to do this but I had to.  I didn’t have a choice.  I have been too sick to really do anything.  Yes, at first it made me feel helpless, almost ashamed, embarrassed, angry because I needed the help.  I had to get over that and learn to accept that people simply just wanted to help.  To help someone makes you feel good inside and to allow them to help you is making them feel good so let them.   Never take anyone for granted and only ask for help for things you really need help with.

After my surgery last week I now have had to have  help picking me up from sitting on a couch or laying down in bed.  I’ve been propped up with pillows around me to keep me upright so it’s easier for someone to lift me out of bed.  My friend ordered me a pillow that has arms on it to help stay upright and it’s helped a lot but still not great as far as me getting sleep and I’ve kept my friend/caretaker from sleeping because I continually wake up and need to be moved or helped to the restroom.  When you have this surgery you can’t lay on your side when you have drains in and you can’t use any muscles to push yourself up or to scoot yourself.  You have to have help from someone.  Another friend brought over her recliner chair for me to try to sleep in. It has been a big help. I still have to sleep on my back which I’ve never been able to sleep like that but it has helped me to sleep a little better and I can get myself in and out of the chair which gives my friend/caretaker a break and she can sleep through the night finally!

Other things that I have learned through this are things we take for granted.  I don’t think I have ever thought “I wonder what it would be like to lose my taste for food?”  “what would it be like if I couldn’t raise my hands above my shoulders?”  “can’t drive myself to a doctor appointment”, “can’t get myself up from the couch or bed”.  These are only a few of the things.  I have realized there are a many many things we take for granted every day, all day long.  We all know we take things for granted but put yourself to the test.  Just go for one day and only eat foods that you can’t stand.  That you hate them to the point you spit them up in your plate!  Now imagine that for every day for 6 months.  That’s only one thing that I’ve noticed I took for granted.  Now add a huge list to that.  We are so blessed everyday that it’s very easy to take things for granted.

I’ve heard this a lot since my diagnosis.  “Fighting cancer is a full time job”.  It truly is.  I didn’t realize that I would have to basically put my life on hold or stop working because chemo made me so sick.  I even scheduled my chemo days so I could travel on the weekends to play shows.  Well that didn’t happen because my doctor put me on a no travel ban right after my first chemo treatment remember?

You spend every day or every other day it seems going to a doctor appointment or picking up prescriptions.  Chemo or daily radiation treatments.  Interviewing doctors to put together the best team you can to help you.  Making very important decisions for your health, doing research on your type of cancer, resting and resting to let your body heal and still have to manage your regular life the best you can.  You are making the most important decisions for the rest of your life, your life depends on them so you need to surround yourself with people you love and respect to help you make those decisions.  All cancers and chemo treatments are different and everyone reacts to chemo differently.  I unfortunately stayed sick throughout my entire chemo plan.  I know a lot of people can still go to work when they do chemo but I could have never with the side effects I have.  I can’t imagine even trying.

Outside help:  I never knew this but if you ever get diagnosed with breast cancer there are a lot of company’s out there to help you.  From giving you car rides to chemo appointments, counseling, free gym programs for when you heal to get your strength back to helping get your house cleaned or help you pay your bills.  American Cancer Society has a lot of things that they offer.  Just call their 800 number and ask what do they offer breast cancer patients or for any cancer.   Also, do research with your healthcare insurance.  They may offer you things you may not know about and check with the town you live with and see if there is a charity because I’m sure there probably is.  Also know that hospital bills add up really fast and get’s really really expensive.  Do NOT let this stress you out.  They will work with you on the bills and even help you put a monthly payment plan together that you can afford.   Ask any doctor or facility you go in to see what could be offered to you.  I have been shocked to find out all the help that’s out there for breast cancer.

I like many have always been grateful for my life but too have taken many things for granted like most of us do.  Every day since I was diagnosed I have had the reminder of my great life and have seen so many things in a different way.  It’s very hard to explain but when your life has been put into jeopardy it changes you.   It has changed me for the better and I pray I stay this way.  Please do not wait for serious illness to make you realize what we take for granted.  Start living that kind of life today and your life will be so much better I promise!  I have felt so very grateful….  even for the little things in life.