Rude Awakening

March 15th Rude Awakening!

I’m still flying high from the benefit/celebration but today was a rude awakening, a wake up call that I’m still fighting this nasty disease. With everything that’s been going on with the show, the song I recorded and the video, it seems as if I had forgot that I’m still in treatment. Today I had to go for CHEMO #9.

My friend and I jumped in the car like the normal routine. We got to the infusion room and checked in. As they got me ready for my chemo treatment I told them about the show and how incredible it was. All of a sudden I realized I forgot to put on the numbing cream on my port. Oh no is right!!! They give me chemo through a port in my chest and the numbing cream numbs the port so you don’t feel them putting the needle in for the bag of chemo. I said to myself, “Hello, you are still in treatment how did you forget the numbing cream?!”
The nurse looked at me with the “Oh no” look. She said I would be fine to not worry. Out of all of my chemo treatments I had never forgot to put the cream on.
She pushed the needle in my port and oh yes it hurt but I was a big girl and didn’t really show my pain. The nurse kept moving around the needle as if something wasn’t right. She then said, “I’m so sorry but I have to take it back out and redo it”. Really? The only time I forget to put the cream on and this is the only time they’ve ever had to insert the needle twice. Ugh!! A definite reminder that I was still in treatment for cancer.

During the infusion I ended up being the only patient getting treatment so we shared the video with some of the nurses. They loved it and asked if they could tell other patients about it. I said of course that the whole reason for the song was to help others.

When I finished my treatment and went to schedule my next treatment a nurse asked me to show the rest of the staff the video. As we started to play it my doctor came walking down the hallway so she watched it with us. At the end, it seemed she had tears in her eyes as she walked away.

I’m really excited about the song and video and can’t wait to share it with all of you. It will be soon!

March 18 Sick Pappa

My daddy called me this morning and didn’t seem to be himself on the phone. He seemed a little out of it but I took it as he just woke up. I asked him if he was going to church and he said no that he forgot it was Sunday. I thought that was a little odd. We only talked a short time and then we hung up. A little while later my brother called and said daddy wasn’t acting right so I told him to take him to the hospital and I would meet them there.
He seemed a little slow thinking but could move all of his limbs, walk and he didn’t have a slope to his face but he did have a stroke so they admitted him.
The next day they did an MRI and ti showed a stroke but thank God it missed his mobility and his speech! He was in the hospital for a few days and then they moved him to a rehab facility.
He’s doing much better and the stroke seems to have only effected him a little. Hopefully he will get to go home soon. I sure hope so because the hospital is NOT a good place for me to be right now and yes I wore a mask.

March 19th

I’m also still having side effects from the chemo I was taking. Stomach issues, sore bones and muscles. I’m still on one chemo so I’m sure some of those side effects are effecting me as well. My taste is still not right but I can tolerate a lot more food these days. At least I’m not spitting it back up on my plate. I really miss the taste of food. Two foods that I ate a lot were chicken and pasta. Right now chicken still doesn’t taste right and red sauce for pasta tastes awful. I’ve been told that when you take chemo it will take longer for you to get your taste back for the foods you eat the most. Dang, that seems true. Funny thing is is that sugar foods still taste good and remained tasting well during all of my chemo treatments. Something really bugs me about that. I’ve blogged about that early in my posts. When doing a pet scan they run sugar water through your veins and cancer cells run to it and that lights up the pet scan to show if you have a tumor. So…wanting to eat sugar the whole time while on chemo was it because it was the only thing that taste normal or does chemo or cancer cause your body to crave it? Which eating a lot of sugar is NOT good for a cancer patient.

With all the chemo, the cancer, the doctors and treatment I’ve also seen a holistic doctor. I believe both kinds of doctors are good to see. She put me on several herbs to help me. Not just for now but for long term healing from what the chemo has done or could do to my body especially my liver and my heart. My liver has been working overtime processing all the medicines and chemo’s I’ve taken and still take and the herceptin chemo I am currently on can effect my heart so I have to have echo grams every three months.

March 20th

Today I started all my new herbs and it’s the first day I started taking the estrogen blocker pill. I have to take this for 5 – 10 years. Ugh..I’m not happy about it but it’s the normal protocol for estrogen/progesterone positive breast cancer. Once you’ve had this type of cancer you need to eliminate as much estrogen as you can since that’s what started the cancer. LADIES…be careful if you are taking hormone replacement pills. Please have your estrogen levels tested often! Like every 6 months!!

I met with my physical therapist this morning. She went over quite a few exercise’s with me. The therapy is for my chest muscles. During my mastectomy’s they removed my pec muscles, inserted the expanders and then reattach the muscles. In doing this my muscles need to be stretched back out again. They are very sore and my range of motion has been very limited. I can’t lift my arms above my shoulders and if I push or pull anything it hurts.
I haven’t been able to even put on a pull over shirt by myself.
The exercise’s she showed me hurt but will actually help me heal faster and I won’t stay as sore. I haven’t been able to lay on my sides at all which has severely effected my sleep. I can only lay on my back and I’ve never been a back sleeper!

It’s really hard to explain how these expanders feel inside. They are very uncomfortable and I’m not supposed to lift anything over 5 pounds.
Sometimes I get this weird feeling when I move a certain way. Like when you push in on a plastic bottle and it pops back out. Sometimes I feel like that happens.

March 21

Today I had my first appointment to have my expanders filled. It was a bit uncomfortable to say the least. The expanders have a port in them so when the doctor fills them they have to inject a needle through your skin into the port for the fluid to go in. I have to go every week or every other week to have this done until we feel that I’m good and ready for my final surgery. The schedule for fillings depends on how sore I am from the last one.

There are so many little journeys you go through while going through this big cancer journey.
First it’s the news of being told you have cancer. Then it’s putting together your team of doctors and figuring out your treatment. Then you start your treatments of chemo. As soon as you are done with chemo you have your surgery. As soon as you have healed enough from surgery you start your expander fills. Once that’s done you head into your finally surgery. Heal from that and continue the new chemo treatment until the year ends from your very first chemo treatment.  Thank God I didn’t have to have radiation or that would be another little journey to add.
Basically as soon as you finish one thing you have to start another.

On another note my dad is doing well and they are moving him to rehab tomorrow! Keep him in your prayers please.

March 22

Not much to report today other than I’m going crazy not being able to much. The weather is getting warmer and spring is in the air. I now sit daily and look out my windows and see all the yard work that needs to be done. How my flower beds need to be cleaned out, things that need to power washed and so on and I can’t do much of anything. Like I’ve said before, I am not one that normally sits for along time or a couch potato watching TV. Through the winter was hard enough but because it was cold I couldn’t do much of anything outside anyway but now that it’s spring it is really bugging me to not be able to do much. It’s hard when you physically feel better but are still limited to what you can do. I can’t even play my guitar because it sits right under my incisions from surgery or play it with a guitar strap on because the strap lays across my pec muscle. I use my guitar to write songs. If I’m not playing music on the road I’m writing it or working in my studio. If I’m not doing that I’m outside doing yard work or remodeling things. Those things are therapy for me. So it’s TV, movies, read a book or eat. Not sure if I handle 6 more months of this good Lord! Hopefully things change or I’m going to have to have a talk with my doctor. I can’t golf or even get in the water to swim because of my port. Two of my biggest hobbies in the summer.
But….again I remind myself of what my doctor said. “You are in a marathon and your are trying to sprint through it. You can’t sprint through a marathon so stop it and accept that 1.5 years of your life is dedicated to fighting cancer”.
I sure would love to be able to mow my front pasture though!