No Stress, Music

June 14th –  July 3,  No Stress, Music 

I had some family come into town for a few days. It’s so nice to have people visit.  Not only is it great to see them, it’s also a good distraction.  In my mind I become less of a cancer patient and more like my old self because we do things and talk about other things than being sick. We all went to the lake and boated and just relaxed.  Being around the water is a healing place for me.  I really try hard to let that be a NO STRESS zone place for me.   Again stress and anxiety is really bad for anyone that is sick.  I know it’s impossible to have a stress free life and there will always be problems, illnesses and  “those” people that can continue to get under your skin but you have to find a way to let it not bother you and that can be very hard sometimes.  If you have an illness, try to find a peaceful place that you can go to for healing and peace. 

I love boating, water skiing, tubing and just floating in the water.  Everyone was trying to wakeboard and I wanted so badly to jump in the water and show them how to do it but I couldn’t.  There is no way I’m strong enough to do that right now.  My pec muscles from surgery are still very sore.  Sometimes I can’t even open a water bottle!  You don’t realize the muscles you use for things until you can’t use them or they are injured.  They still hurt even when I’m trying to get up from a sitting position or bed.  Also, with my chemo port, I do have a worry about it getting punctured somehow while being in the lake water and that could be deadly if bacteria got into my port.  I’ve really not been able to do to anything athletic since I started chemo.  I’ve always been very athletic so not being able to things is really frustrating.  

I did manage to get on my bicycle for the first time since being diagnosed.  It’s the first athletic thing I’ve actually done.  I have been a little afraid of trying to bike because of my hips being so bad but I really can’t take it anymore so I had to try it ha ha.  It felt so good to even thought I only went three miles and at a very slow speed.  I was thankful that I didn’t crash!

June 19

I did an interview with the Tennessean News Paper today about my battle.  I really appreciate them wanting to share my story with everyone.  Since I started my blog and started sharing my battle, this journey has brought so many different people and things into my life that I have learned from.   My goal was to share my story with others to somehow help them through their journey or to help spread awareness and importance of getting mammograms  and self exams but sharing my story has helped me in so many ways and I didn’t expect that to happen.  The help, encouragement, comments, prayers from everyone has meant so much to me.  All of this has helped me to continue to fight this battle and fight even harder when at times I have felt discouraged.  Love is such a powerful thing and when you really feel it from people it can make miracles happen.

Knowing that I might help someone else also helps give me a new purpose.  A purpose I never knew that I was supposed to have but I feel that this is now a huge purpose for me and my life.  We all wonder why certain things happen.  “Why did I get cancer?”.  I feel that I got my answer and I’ve accepted it. I’m supposed to be sharing my story to help others. 

As a musician, songwriter, singer, I have always believed that music was a healer and so important about helping you get through life.  I love all kinds of music but something about country music really appealed to me at a very young age because the lyrics were always so honest and about real life and the instruments always helped tell the story of the lyrics.   I’m sure most of us have those songs that when we hear them they take us right back to the first time we heard it and what was going on in our lives at that time.  Music has saved me so many times.  As an artist, for me it’s such a great feeling when you write or record song and it relates to people and they tell you how and why it did.  That has always been my encouragement to continue music.  Sometimes songs make us cry but that’s what they are supposed to do.  Songs are supposed to bring emotion.  If it makes you cry, laugh or take action in your life then the song is doing its job. 

I’m so excited that in 4 days from now (June 29), my new song “Fight Like A Girl” will be released to all online services. Though the song has not officially been released, it has been shared a bit and I have already received comments or messages from people saying that they love it and that it has been helping them through their battles.  I wrote this song, a “fight song” for many reasons.  I’m hoping that my story, my blog, my song/video will help inspire anyone going through a battle, to hopefully bring awareness about breast cancer, getting mammograms and to somehow all of this can help raise money for cancer research in some way.  

I’m meeting with a cancer research company today June 26th and hopefully they will use my story and song so together we can get closer to erasing this horrible illness for good for everyone!  

We’ve also received great responses for the video from the music video outlets and looking so forward to it’s release very soon. 

Through all of this music excitement it has also been another good distraction for me.  Without being able to travel for work I’ve focused on working on this song, using my experience to help others and now to get into the studio to finish this whole project.  I’m putting songs together to hopefully have a new EP to be released this year.  The last few years have really been very trying on me in every possible way.  From unexpectedly losing my life’s best friend, my mother almost 3 years ago, and 4 other very close family members, to my illness and now my fathers recent strokes.  I’ve learned a lot through all of this sadness and healing process.  Song ideas just keep coming to me so I’m hoping I can write some other songs that also help people through life’s journey.  I really miss being on the road and performing but I guess right now God’s plan is for me to write, record, and share my story.

Health

If all goes well and according to plan, I’m getting closer to my final surgery on July 18 and trust me I’m counting down the days.  These expanders are so uncomfortable and between the neuropathy in my feet, the pain and numbness that is now in my arm shooting into my hand and my hip and bone problems….sleep is still very little.  It sometimes just makes me so angry because I want to sleep!  I still don’t know how I have managed to somehow function on such little sleep since being diagnosed. It’s really crazy to thing a human can function on only a couple hours of sleep a night for so many months.  I’ve tried every thing I know to help my neuropathy but nothing really helps.  It’s a side effect from chemo and I can only pray that someday it just goes away. 

I think I have a pinched nerve in my back that’s causing my arm pain and numbness.  I have to make a doctors appointment for that.   My bone pain could be caused from the chemo’s I have take or the estrogen blocker pill I now had to take.  It’s really hard to pin point the exact cause of anything at this point because many medicines that I have taken or still taking can cause the same side effects.   

My pec muscles are still very sore and I was just told this morning that it could take up to two years for them to heal…???!!!  What??? I guess I will have to get a guitar case with wheels on it since I can’t carry it!  Someday I have to go back on the road and work! 

Good news, my taste buds are getting better every day!  It’s very weird that some things taste like the use to while other things still taste off a bit.  But in general food is so much better now thank God!  My energy level is also getting better but…I can still over do it and then regret it.  It’s really not good to over do it but it’s so hard to not want to stay doing things.  

I have been told my several people that I’m looking healthier and that makes me actually feel better.   Good news, my hair is growing back and I almost need my first haircut!  That makes me smile.  Everyone has said that if you lose your hair from chemo it typically comes back dark and curly.  Not me.  My hair is actually growing back even blonder?  I’m happy about that because I don’t want to highlight or color my hair now because of the chemicals.   My eyelashes are also growing back and I can now use mascara again.  I know that may sound silly to some of you but cancer can really make you look sick.  When you look sick, it can make you also feel sick and sad.  

My energy is getting better daily but now it’s frustrating because I still can’t lift anything or really work out like I want to.  So many things need to be done and I can’t do them and paying someone to do them isn’t really an option right now because I’m not back to work yet.

Since my last post I have had a few days that I have not felt mentally great.  Cancer just doesn’t effect your physical health.  We have to remember that it also effects your mental health which will then effect your mental health if you let it. I try to stay positive and I really try hard to not let things get to me like they use to and take things day by day but every now and I am human and start to let my illness, things or people get to me.  I can feel the shut down coming on and I have to fight to no let any of get to me.  I have to think to myself “I know that if I look back from the future 1 year from now I would think it was silly to let someone or something stress me out so bad”.  We all do that right?  It’s a conscious effort for me to remember to NOT let things bother me anymore.  When you have cancer or battling any kind of illness there’s a lot of times you just want to say “Bleep Off” ha ha.   I’m learning a lot about myself though this and realizing what I expect from myself and from others and what I will and will not tolerate any more.  Going through the journey I have been physically weaker than I’ve ever been but I am feeling stronger about who I am more than I ever have. 

June 27 – Chemo day

I dread these days so much.  Now that I’m feeling a bit better my illness isn’t always on my mind.  Chemo days remind me I’m a cancer patient.  I will also feel tired, sluggish, bloated, achey and have digestive problems for about a week or so.   Everyone at the infusion office so nice.  They try to make it as comfortable as they can.

June 29th,

Excited today!  My song “Fight Like A Girl” was finally released today on all digital music outlets online.   There’s has been such great response from people telling me how the song is helping them!  If the song is helping you in someway please let me know.  You can comment on my blog or on my facebook page  Anita Cochran Music.  Hearing your story’s help me to keep fighting and fighting for us all!  If you would like to download the song it’s on www.itunes.com and many of the online music outlets.

Wow time has flown by the past two weeks.   June 27 I had chemo again.  Was there for 4 hours.  I saw my oncologist on this appointment.  I don’t see her every time I have chemo now.  I see her everyone treatment and they do blood work as well.  I told her of my bone pain and she said it was mostly the side effect from taking the estrogen blocker pill I take daily now.  It causes bone pain and can cause bones to deteriorate. But …this pill prevents my cancer from coming back by 50% so I really need to take it.  I now take more vitamin D and calcium to help keep my bones strong.  I’m having to just live with the bone pain.  I take a pain killer sometimes but not a lot.  I have had so many drugs in my body since being treated I really try to not take anything unless I really need to.  I may take something a couple times a week before bed just so I can try to get a little sleep to keep me going.  Not only is there bone pain, my body is very stiff when I get out of bed or getting up if I’ve been sitting for awhile.  Once I get going it get’s better.   My doctor also scheduled my ecco gram that I have to have done every 2 -3 months.  The Herceptin Chemo I take can cause serious heart problems so have to have it checked often.  The side effects are still digestive issues, feeling tired and achy.  My energy typically starts to run out around 1-2pm.  

July 2,

I received some upsetting news from a friend today.  She told me her cousin who is a mother of 8 an year old found out last week she had stage 4 breast cancer that had metastasized all over and even into her brain. Today, she was put in hospice.  One week later.  This completely breaks my heart.  How do you find out this late?  Did she get her mammograms regularly? Did she know something was wrong and afraid to go to the doctor?  Could she not tell something was wrong? I’m told she didn’t have health insurance maybe that’s why she didn’t get her mammograms.  This deeply saddens me.  A few months prior to my diagnosis I knew something was wrong and had gone to my general doctor several times but couldn’t find anything wrong.  I just had no energy and would get short of breath more than normal.  All cancers and people are different.  Did she really not feel different?  This is why is’t so important to do self exams and see your doctor yearly.  

This is why I blog, why I wrote my song.  We have to talk about this, we have to spread the word to get your mammograms’s especially 3D imaging.   If your doctor doesn’t offer 3D ask them for it.  Most offices now have 3D, you just have to request it.  It shows much more than a regular mammogram especially if you have dense breasts.  If you feel something isn’t right…go see your doctor right away.  If you find out you have cancer reach out to American Cancer Society, they can help you in a lot of ways including grants for doctor bills.   Ladies, we cannot bypass getting our mammograms and gyno visits.  If what’s preventing you from going is fear, then you must not be afraid to die because that can happen if you don’t get your regular exams.  If you don’t have insurance, don’t purchase that nice dress or vacation.  Take that money and get your exams.  If you don’t have your health, you won’t need that dress and you can’t go on that vacation, get it?  When I first found my lump it was a Thursday evening.  I called my doctor Friday morning for an appointment .  I saw my doctor that Monday, 3 days later.  If I could have seen her that Thursday evening I would have been in her office trust me.   Early detection saves your life! Remember…1 in every 8 woman get breast cancer and that is NOT ok!  

If you are taking hormone replacement pills, please do your research and really talk to your doctor about it.  I took hormone replacement pills for 11 years and every year I asked all my doctors if I should go off of it but they all told me that I needed the estrogen from it so I wouldn’t get osteoporosis.  Well, it all came back full circle.  I stayed on the hormone replacement pill.  I then get breast cancer.  As soon as the doctors found out I had cancer they told me to stop taking the pill immediately.  My breast cancer was estrogen/progesterone positive from too much of it.  Research has proven that hormone replacement meds are linked to breast cancer.  My doctors say it didn’t cause my cancer but it definitely help fuel the fire.  My cancer is also her2positive which also can be caused by hormone replacement meds. Her2positive means the cancer cells spread much quicker than Her2negative.  So, I have to have chemo, when you have chemo you take steroids for three day in a row during your chemo treatment.  The chemo and the steroids cut off the blood flow to my hips causing my hipbones to deteriorate. So,  from what it seems I may have to possibly have hip replacement surgery this fall.  I now have to take an estrogen blocker pill for 5-10 years that causes severe  bone pain, stiffness and bones to deteriorate. So..I took the hormones to prevent me from getting osteoporosis but then I turn around and have severe bone problems from taking it.  ????   I now have to double up on vitamin D and calcium to try to protect my bones.      

I get mammograms done every year.  My doctor said my tumor had been inside me for about two years.  If I would have known about 3D imaging two years ago they most likely would have seen my tumor at a much earlier stage and I might not have had to have chemo. 

I know I’ve said all of this before in my blog but, I feel the need to repeat it again after hearing about my friends cousin.  PLEASE get your exams every year no matter what!