My “New Normal”

May 29 My “New Normal”

So, it’s been quite a while since I’ve written. Life has become pretty full between my doctor appointments and my fathers, plus trying to get some work done now that my energy is getting a bit better.

I will say, I am not a fan of the saying “my new normal” but…it is what it is.  My life has changed.

I apologize for not having dates for certain things for this blog this time. My plate has been fairly full and with chemo brain, (yes that’s real) I forgot to log down dates.

My poor father still has his catheter in and it’s driving him crazy. We tried for the second time to remove it. He had it out for 7 hours but still couldn’t use the rest room on his own so his bladder is not working on it’s own.
Doctors say that sometimes after a stroke the brain stops communicating with the bladder. He is now taking the tests to see if he could have surgery. He’s 89 so any kind of surgery is scary at this point. Other than that he is doing ok so weekly I schedule home rehab therapists for him. Speech, Occupational and Physical therapists. He also has a nurse that comes to the house a couple times a week. We had to hire caretakers for him 3 days a week because he still can’t be left alone but it’s better than putting him in a home. He really does not want that at all. He’s demanding to go out and plant his garden ha ha…I guess that’s where I get my energy from. He can barely walk but thinks he can go out and start a garden! Please keep him in your prayers.

As for me, since my last blog I have finished my weekly appointments getting my expanders filled so that’s a blessing. On the downside of that, I’ve learned that the longer you have expanders in the harder and more uncomfortable they become. I almost feel as if I’ve gone backwards in my healing process with them. After surgery, with time, it got easier getting out of bed or off the couch but now it seems as if I struggle a bit with muscle pain in my chest when I try to get up. Trying to sleep with them is also challenging. I had my last filling two weeks ago and scheduled my final surgery for July 18th. I hate to have to wait that long to get these things out so I’m counting down the days!

I am still receiving Herceptin Chemo every three weeks and will continue to until October if all goes according to plan. I do have side effects from it but not as bad as the other three chemo I was taking with it. I am still having digestive problems and have been dealing with some major bone and muscle pain. No sure what’s really causing all the bone pain. Could be all the chemo and steroids I had to take earlier, could be the chemo I’m on now, or could be the estrogen blocker pill I recently had to start taking. I will have to take that pill for 5-10 years. When you have estrogen fed breast cancer you need to block all the estrogen that your body generates. In doing so, that throws you into menopause. So, lucky me, this will be the second time I get to go through that. Hello hot flashes, tiredness, and foggy brain. Along with my chemo brain that could be a problem…??!!
Anyway, all of these things could be the cause of my bone and muscle pain so it’s hard to pinpoint exactly what’s causing it to change anything.

I have been having severe hip pain and saw my doctor a few weeks ago regarding it. She said that the steroids I took along with the chemo could have blocked the blood flow from going to my hips causing my hips to deteriorate. She want’s me to see a bone specialists. She said if that were the case I would most likely have to have double hip replacement in the fall after I finish all my chemo. THIS IS VERY UPSETTING TO ME. I had to take steroids the day before each chemo, the day of chemo and that day after. A total of 18 days of steroids could have caused this. I knew steroids were bad to take but I had no idea this could happen. I wish I had been informed of this. I would have tried my best to get through the chemo treatments without the steroids if I had known this could happen. Who want’s double hip replacements at the age of 51? On top of the hip pain, the neuropathy in my feet is still awful and now I have new pain in my arms with numbness. Not sure what is causing this. My friend thinks it could be my expander pushing on a nerve or something. It’s a shooting pain that goes straight down my arm into my hand and causes my hands to feel numb. This mostly happens when I’m typing on the computer or when I lay down for bed. I get very little sleep still. I started this cancer journey in August of 2017 and have not had a nights sleep that lasted more that 4 hours or so. How can I continue this routine? Maybe I’ve turned into a zombie ha!

Every night when I lay down, my feet hurt me from the neuropathy, then my hips hurt me so I have to continually shift around and now my arm has been causing me problems. Is this my “New Normal”? I have to say I’m starting to just get use to living in pain every day. People are telling me that I’m doing too much, that I need to slow down but to be honest….now that I have a little more energy I don’t want to slow down. I don’t want to lay on the couch all day like I had to before. I’m tired of that so yes, I push myself when I probably shouldn’t. My doctor tells me to not lift over 15 pounds and I’ve tried to stay by that rule. The problem is…you really have no idea what muscles you use until you’re not suppose to use them. When I had my surgery, they remove your pec muscles and reattach them. I didn’t realize how sore they would still be 3 month later. It’s hard to even open a bottle of water. Yes, you use your pec muscles for that. Getting something of a shelf above your head, pushing or pulling anything hurts. I’m sure having the expanders in make it worse. Praying things will be much better all around when those come out!

It seems as if I have done nothing but complain so far in this entry but trust me, there have been good things that have happened lately.

Good Things:

My energy level is getting better thank God but I’m still not myself yet..but ..getting there!! It feels great to sit on the tractor and mow, to go to dinner and taste some food again…that seems to get better daily! I have boated with friends and have played some music finally! I will say, it was very sad when I went to play the guitar for the first time in many months because I felt too bad to do anything and realized just how bad it hurt my fingers. I’ve had calluses on the ends of my fingers since I started playing guitar at the age of 4. This is the first time since then that the end of my fingers feels like baby skin and it really hurts to push down on the strings on the guitar. This made me really sad to think it had been that long since I played.
I have to build those calluses back up!!!

I played a show with Ty Herndon the other night at a car show in Nashville. We only played 3 songs but it sure was nice to play music again. Here’s a picture of my dream car, a 55 Thunderbird!

 

I have written and recorded a song about my cancer journey called “Fight Like A Girl” and we also shot a video. I have some very dear friends who donated their time to help me with these projects. Jason Cheek and Scott Hundley helped me record the song and Tonia Pound. Patti Blevins and Suzanne Alexander helped me shoot the video to the song. I had a vision and knew what I wanted and I’m so thankful they all helped me get it all done! I think I am more proud of this project than any other project I’ve done. My whole intention of writing this song was to hopefully bring awareness to breast cancer and to hopefully join forces with a breast cancer research organization and be able to donate money from record sales to breast cancer research and a cure. I am hoping that the song and video will be released in the next couple weeks. If you all would be so kind as to help promote it that would be great! You can share the song/video promo on this website or from my Facebook page Anita Cochran Music.

The more we share it with friends that means more exposure which means more record sales which means more money towards breast cancer! It’s very hard for me to spend the money on marketing this song right now because I’m not working and now…if I have to have hip surgery’s in the fall that will even make my time of not working on the road even longer. Cancer is a full time job but you don’t get paid for it. Some friends have created a gofund me page for me….I’ve not really wanted to talk about it or share it but now it would help. You can go to www.gofundme.com/AnitaCochran if you are able to help. Whatever helps me, helps this song and that helps brings research money for a cure!

Again, I appreciate all of you who reads this blog, have said prayers for me or sent positive thoughts. I hope that sharing my story continues to help others.
I am so very thankful for everyone in my life. People are still good…we need to remember that. If you all would be so kind as to hashtag this when you post on your Facebook pages that would be great! #fightlikeagirlanitacochran
The song and video will be released very soon!!!

If you wouldn’t mind saying another prayer for me today. It’s my 3 month check up with my breast surgeon and I pray he does not find cancer!!!!