Moving past chemo

Jan 12

Had a bit of a rough night after chemo yesterday so I’m in the infusion room getting fluids today. It takes about two hours to get the fluids but it really helps.
Not feeling well at all and my eyes are watering really bad. My caretaker is with me. We both just usually sit on computers the whole time we are here and talk to other patients. Really breaks my heart to see people hear by themselves getting chemo treatments.

A lot of people have called me a hero for getting through these chemo treatments but really…caretakers are the hero’s. They are there really helping the patient get through hell. Yes, I’m fighting for my life but it’s for my life so I’m a hero for me but there’s really no other option..I won’t give up. Caretakers are fighting for someone else’s life:) They are the real hero’s!

There are so many terms, names, titles that are associated with people who are going through cancer. I think the biggest title would be “fighter” because you have to be one. Everyday, fight every day. How do you fight in pain? You have to look into the future and focus on being through this and healthy again. Cry through the pain if you need, take pain meds, do what you need to do but don’t give up because a “fighter” doesn’t give up! Don’t be afraid to tell your doctor exactly how you are feeling. They need to know and you don’t need to be in pain if they can give you something for it. I’ve had to be careful with pain meds because the chemo has made my liver enzymes higher than normal so I have to be careful how much pain meds I take. I really have to limit how much Tylenol I take because that’s the worst one for your liver and Oxycodone had Tylenol in it. I asked my doctor for Oxycodone without the Tylenol so that’s really what I take if I have to take something and even then I limit it. You have to always be honest with your doctor or they can’t really treat you the correct way. I’m sure there has been times when my doctor looks at my like what? But…I don’t hold back. I tell her exactly how I’m feeling.

Jan 15

Back at doctor getting more fluids today. I had a bad weekend with side effects and it’s been extremely cold here in Nashville so I’ve pretty much stayed inside. The flu season is here and this year it’s really bad. My immune system is very low from all the chemo so it’s really a bad idea for me to be out in any kind of crowds right now so I have a bit of cabin fever. I’m really ready for summer. I want and need to feel the sun on my face.

Jan 16 -17

I’ve spent the last few days on the couch not feeling well. Trying to do a little bit of work inside the house but I get tired very very easy now. If I go up my one flight of stairs my legs shake and hurt and I get out of breath. It’s very frustrating for me because I’ve have always been in pretty good shape. I’m very active and work a lot outside but right now I feel as I don’t have a muscle in my body. I see them but they don’t seem to be working. I’ve tried to do little workouts and things thru this chemo treatment but I you just can’t do much because you get tired so easy. Sit ups, planks and little weights is about what I can do when I feel up to it. With each chemo treatment, fatigue really sets in. And at times when you think you have energy you can tend to overdue it and then you pay for it later trust me.
My finger nails have turned a funny color. Like pink color in the center. I’ve lost one finger nail so far. This is a side effect chemo. I have a friend who lost all of hers but they did come back.

I really worry about my hands and fingers with the whole neuropathy side effect issue. The numbness is in my fingers a little. Nothing like the numbness and pain I get in my feet thank God. Like I mentioned earlier in my post, the numbness in my feet and toes is constant but I can tolerate it during the day. Sometimes I stumble or not steady on my feet but it really is at it’s worst in the evening if I lay down on the couch or go to bed. For some reason laying down really causes the numbers and pain to greatly increase. I get up and take a pain killer and sometimes walk around. I pray it doesn’t start effecting my hands and fingers like that because I play guitar as part my career and make a living doing so. I’m also praying that these next few weeks goes by really fast in hopes that the major side effects will be gone and my taste will come back. The doctors and nurses said this last chemo round would probably be the worst one. I pray it’s not.

Right now it’s very hard for me to eat anything now. Food just taste horrible and there’s nothing that changes it no matter what I try. To this point the only consistent foods I’ve been able to tolerate are eggs, cereal, some deserts, tomatoes, cucumbers. Turkey bacon is now tasting bad. That has been the only meat I have been able to eat. I’ve added raspberries, peaches and blueberry’s and sometimes cheese to my diet.

My eyes and nose continue to run like a waterfall which is very frustrating.  Tears just drip out of my eyes.  It’s really hard to go any where because my skin around my eyes is pink and raw and I’m constantly wiping them so I can’t wear makeup at all right now.  I’ve been using Aquaphor lotion on my skin and it really helps.

Tomorrow I see my surgeon to discuss what my options are. I’m a bit nervous to be honest but I’m so glad to finally be at this point where these 4 tough chemo are behind me and we can now move to the next part of the journey to healing…surgery.