Final Surgery yee-haw!!!

July 10

I had rehab therapy today for the pain and numbness in my arm and hand.  I’m sure it will take a few visits to see if it’s going to help but so far I can’t tell a difference.  I’m still in a lot of pain.  Between the pain and numbness of neuropathy in my feet that now shoots up to my calf muscles and now this pain and numbness from my neck down to my arms, and hands.  I can’t sleep and have stayed in pain most of the time.  

It’s confusing because my doctor thinks I have a pinched nerve in my neck or shoulder causing this pain and numbness.  I hope she is right but after all the medicines I’ve taken since my diagnosis I can’t help but wonder what’s really causing this because so many of the meds had side effects of muscle and bone pain, nerve damage, bone stiffness and neuropathy.   I really am not sure if it’s a pinched nerve or not.  There’s a shooting pain down the back of my neck that starts the pain in the shoulder down the arm into my hand that causes my hand to go numb.  

Monday, July 16, I had my 15th treatment of chemo.   I had a couple errands to run but came home to the couch to lay down.  I was very tired and pain in my neck, shoulder, arm and hand seems to be worse.   I tried to nap but I just couldn’t get comfortable.  I have tried CBD oil, pain meds, muscle relaxers and nothing is helping.  

Tuesday, July 17th.  

Today I had physical rehab again to try to relieve the pain in my neck but I don’t feel it is helping.  I also am limited to how many physical therapy visits I have covered from my insurance so I have to be careful to not use many more because I’m told I may have to have hip replacement in the fall.  My doctor isn’t happy with me because I haven’t made an appointment to get my hips checked out but to be honest I’m tired of going to the doctors again.  I need a break.  Between my doctor appointments, medical bills and my dads I feel as if I just live at a doctors office or their invoices.  I’m doing things at a much lower pace than I normally would though my energy level has gotten a bit better.  My doctor is worried that I’m going to end up breaking a hip before I have surgery so I’m trying to be careful in what I do.  I don’t want to have surgery on my hips and hopefully that will NOT be the case.

As I sit here and type my right shoulder, arm and hand are now completely numb with pain shooting down it.  My feet are also numb and pain shooting through them.  Good news is, my echo gram came back with good results and my stomach issues have gotten a little better.   My taste seems almost normal now.  There are still some things that taste a little funny.  I have gained about 10 pounds  from the chemo and steroids I have taken.  I hope it stops at 10 ha ha!

I’ve had some really great story’s sent to me regarding my story and my song “Fight Like A Girl”.  I love it when people share their story’s with me.  Together we all help each other.  This video was sent to me by Jim Borda who is a trainer in Florida.  He is working with this girl Jasmine “Jazzy” who has brain cancer, Infiltrating Astrocytoma Grade ll.  She already has two prostatic legs from the knees down but insists on coming to the gym and working out so she can stay strong to fight her cancer.  She is using my song as her theme song and said it inspires her.  Well…she inspires me!!  She is such and inspiration!!!!  I look at her and stop my complaining.  She is amazing!  Check out her video of her training!

Jasmine working out to Fight Like A Girl

I’m very nervous about tomorrow.  Wed July 18th is my final surgery.  They will remove my expanders and put in my final implants.  Though I am so looking forward to getting these uncomfortable expanders out, I am filled with anxiety again about surgery.  I really do NOT like to be put under.   I don’t know why I have such a fear of that but I do.  I’m also concerned about my healing time.  I really hope and pray this surgery is much easier than my first surgery.  My surgeon says it won’t be as bad as my first one.  It’s just frustrating because I’ve just lately been able to lay on my side.  Now with surgery again, I guess it will start all over of how I can lay down. My original surgery was in February and my pec muscles are still sore.  I pray my recovery time won’t be near as bad as the first surgery.  Really appreciate any and all prayers for a successful surgery.

Not sure if I will feel like blogging in the next few days but I will try to update you all.  You can also check out my facebook page anita cochran music and my twitter account  – theanitacochran   Those are quicker to respond than writing in the blog.  

I really want to thank everyone who has said a prayer or sent a positive comment my way through my journey.  I believe in prayer and positive vibes and believe that the prayers and positivity has really helped me! If you wouldn’t mind, please keep it up!:)  

July 18  Surgery! Goodbye Expanders!

Surgery day is finally here!  I had to get up at 4:45am to be at the hospital by 6am for my surgery.   They will remove these uncomfortable expanders and put in my implants.  The expanders are very uncomfortable.  

I didn’t have to wait in the waiting room very long before they took me back which was great.  Last time I had to wait 4 hours!  

My plastic surgeon came in to talk with me for a bit and then they took me back and drugged me up.  They gave me a drug of some sort to relax me before they put me under.   I’ve only been completely put under one time before and that was when I had my mastectomy’s in February.  As a singer I’m always afraid my vocal chords will get messed up.  I’ve had surgery’s on my hands before with broken wrist and finger but I stayed awake for them but I can’t for this surgery.  I have to be put under.

When they gave me the drug I went from being wide away and talking to out like a light.  I don’t remember anything until I woke up with a stinging pain.  I was in surgery for about 1 hour and 45 minutes.  My friend who has been with me at all surgery’s, doctor appointments and chemo’s was the first face I saw when I woke up.  The stinging pain is from the incisions.   I guess I slept for about 1.5 hours then the nurses woke me up.  As soon I I woke up they wanted me to get dressed and go home. I mean as soon as I woke up.  I was very dizzy and still drugged but they wanted me out so I guess they needed my bed!  

They wheeled me out to the car and home we went! 

I was still heavily drugged when I got home and basically slept on the couch for the rest of the day.  I was hungry for dinner and I had had a great chicken dish that a friend of mine had special made for me.  

Sleeping in bed was difficult though.  My pec muscles are extremely sore again so I can’t lay down all the way.  I have big pillow that has arms on it so I played against that.  I was up every hour using the bathroom because I had a catheter during surgery.  It’s common to use the bathroom often if you have a catheter I’m told.  

July 19

Woke up and had breakfast.  Eggs, avocado and an english muffin.  I’m struggling getting around from being sore.  I’m on pain killers and antibiotics.  I feel really bloated and sore.  Really didn’t do much but lay on the couch most of the day.  I’m still not good to spend the day on the couch.  I hate that.  I feel like so much time get’s wasted just being on the couch but I can’t do much of anything else.  I’m so thankful this surgery is over and hoping I won’t have to have anymore and I can really start to recover now!    I guess I will be very sore for the next few weeks.  I’m not supposed to lift anything over 5 lbs.   This sitting around crap really gets to me!  I’d rather dig a fence lol. 

A friend came over and brought us pasta and eggplant for dinner.  Very sweet of her to do this.  I went to bed around 10pm and didn’t sleep very good again.  Awake most of the night because of the pain and being uncomfortable.  I’m still having major pain and numbness in my neck, arm and hand from the pinch nerve  also.  Right now I’m a mess ha ha. Pain and numbness in my feet from neuropathy,  pain and numbness in my arm and hand, pain in my chest from the surgery and my hip bones hurting so sleeping really isn’t happing.  

July 20

My caretaker had to leave town this morning for work…I’m sure she’s glad she had to leave ha ha!  I’m alone now.  I’ll be ok.  Just bored.  Again…I’m not good at just sitting. I woke up and made hard boiled eggs so I could take my antibiotic and pain meds.  Shouldn’t take these things on an empty stomach.

Doctor said I could take off my bandages and shower today.  I hope I don’t get grossed out by the incisions ha.   I really didn’t do much at all but lay around.  My pec muscles are still sore and the incisions are still burning.  I guess that’s normal.  I feel really swollen and bloated from the surgery.  I can’t tell you the last time I felt like “Me”.  I’ve gained weight for the first time in my life and I’m told it’s the chemo, steroids and the estrogen blocker pill that’s causing it.  I really don’t feel like myself at all.  Hopefully in a few days I will feel better. 

A couple dear friends brought me Pad Thai for dinner and they stayed the night with me.  It was nice to have company.  Again, I can’t tell you how happy I am that my taste is almost back to almost normal now.  It’s wonderful when food actually tastes good!  I was pretty tired around 10pm so I went to bed.  I didn’t sleep the best but I did sleep a little.  Just hard to get comfortable.

July 21

I woke up around 6am with my arm and hand in pain.  This pinch nerve in my neck is literally a “pain in the neck”, arm and hand. I took my dogs out into the sunroom so I wouldn’t wake my friends up so early.  

My friends left around 10am.  I hated to think that I had yet another day of sitting on the couch.  It was a nice day today.   Hot, but not too hot.  I pulled a few weeds out of the flower bed but reminded myself every minute to not overdue it.  I had to go get my medicine so I took a shower and hoped that I would be ok to drive.   I did ok driving but it was a little hard on the turning part.  I really only went to get my meds and stopped at another store then home.  Didn’t want to drive too much.  

I’ve spent the day alone with my dogs and cat and yes I was bored out of my mind.  And when you can’t do much you can google too much!!!!  I find that when I’m alone I think about my illness a lot more.  I worry more, I do more research and worry more and I let it get me into a sad mood.  Sometimes I wish google didn’t exists if you know what I mean.  This is why I like going to the lake.  The water, serenity.  I don’t seem to think about cancer there as much.  I guess I think about life and living more when I’m on the water.  It’s just peaceful.  Don’t get me wrong, my home is very peaceful and lot’s of wild animals around to watch but being at home ….well….you see all the things that need to be done right?   Things that’s been put on hold since my diagnosis that stresses me out.  How I need to purge my house, it all overwhelms me and causes me stress.  When I go to the lake, I don’t see these things and it’s much easier for me to be stress free.  Though I feel pretty upset right now, I know tomorrow I will be better.  Being a lone just allows too much time to think right now.  

July 22

Still feeling pretty sore and very limited to what I can do.  My spirit is still pretty low since surgery.  There are sometimes that it hits me hard out of the blue “you are being treated for breast cancer!”.  I still ask “why me?”  “How”?  When those questions pop up again it can make me feel sad and sometimes even scared again and that can make you feel hopeless.  “Will it come back?  If so, where?”.  I catch myself worrying about what I eat and drink.  I know I sometimes may repeat myself in this blog but when these feeling occur they are real again.  Was it the estrogen/progesterone hormone replace pill I took for almost 10 years?  I really feel that maybe that’s what caused my breast cancer.  Eating at restaurants all the time not knowing if their meat has been fed hormones?  For some reason way too many woman are getting estrogen/ progesterone  breast cancer.  We are getting too much of it.   Getting cancer isn’t the only bad thing.  The treatments are also bad for us.  

Fact is, chemo helped save my life but in so many ways it damaged me.  My bones ache, my hipbones are possibly dead now from the chemo and steroids cutting off blood flow to them causing them to die causing me to possibly have full hip replacement when I finished with my treatment.  My organs can be effected by the chemo down the road as well.  One never knows what it can end up doing to you.  The neuropathy in my feet caused my chemo is of the charts in pain.  I’m just learning to live with that.  The estrogen blocker pill I now have to take for 5-10 years is causing me tremendous amount of bone pain and stiffness and can also cause osteoporosis. But…chemo helped save my life and the estrogen blocker pill prevents my cancer from returning by 50%!  That’s a big percentage so I have to take it.  I didn’t want a “new normal” but I have one now.  

It’s almost been 1 year since my diagnosis.  1 year that I feel like my life has been put on hold.  That’s what my doctors told me at the beginning.  They all said  my job for the next year or so would be to fight this cancer.  That every thing else would have to be put on hold.  They were right.  With each stage of my treatment, you just start to feel a little better than you have chemo again or another surgery that set’s you back.  I’m told now that I’m past my implant surgery I just have to finish out my chemo and I’ll be done with treatment.  Done with treating cancer but not done treating all the side effects that have occurred.  Some say it takes a few years to really feel like yourself again.  I feel somewhat lost as to who I was before.  An artist, a creator, a performer to a cancer patient.  I sometimes wonder how do I go back to that?  Making records, touring for a living, it’s very scary for me.  As an entertainer you have to keep on working or concert buyers forget about you and book shows with other artists.  They also book shows in December for the rest of the year.  If all goes well I will just be finishing my treatments around that time.  All jobs are hard to return to after a long battle with an illness but being an artist could almost be impossible.???  It isn’t like you lose your job and go apply for another one.  Sorry to get on a soap box but these are real fears that I have.  I mean I am who I am, I will always be an artist, a creator in some way but making a living at it may be very hard.

The industry has also changed.  People do not buy music anymore.  Everyone streams music for little to no fee making it very hard to make money off of your recorded music.  Unless you are a huge entertainer the only way you really make money now is to tour.  Selling records just isn’t it.  You use to tour to support a new song or record and you made money from the record sales.  It’s now flipped. Now you record music to support your tour and you make money playing the live shows. 

This weekend I pretty much spend most of my time alone causing me to think way too much.  With all of these worries running through my head it dawned on me that I have basically had every side effect from the chemo, steroids and now the estrogen blocker pill that there is.  I wondered why and then it hit me that maybe I am really supposed to be sharing my story to help others so I’ve had to have all the side effects so I can talk about it from first hand.   I don’t know if that’s what God has in mind for me but right now I really do feel it’s my responsibility to share my experience with whoever I can to help in the fight against breast cancer.  I’ve always believed in the importance of music and how it can heal you or help you through things in life.  My prayer is that in some way I can use my story, my song, my video to encourage woman to fight their own battle and to help find a cure for breast cancer so no one has to do chemo or go through what I’ve gone through.  Or, better yet, finding ways of preventing breast cancer from even happening.  Please please download my song “Fight Like A  Girl”.   I’m asking this because the more popular my song gets, the better chance I have to talk about breast cancer and my journey in interviews.   The more things get talked about the more research and cures happen.  The more the song get’s shared the more I can share my story.  Just like the term “the squeaky wheel get’s the grease”.  Help me be as squeaky as I can be!   To purchase the song copy and paste this into your address bar. 

https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/fight-like-a-girl/1394122661?i=1394122674  then click on the also available in itunes then click buy

I really hope that somehow I can make a difference in the fight against breast cancer. If my story saves one life, all of this has been worth it. 

It makes me very happy  and  turns my mood around when I hear from those who went and had their mammograms done because they heard about my story!   When people write me and tell me how much my song is helping them through their battle.  Making a difference in someones life is what it’s all about in life anyway isn’t it?