A Night Of Love, Love, Love Benefit Celebration

March 13th A Night of Love Love Love Benefit Celebration.

If you have read my blog from the beginning you are aware that my doctor took me off the road from traveling and playing shows because chemo was making me too sick. I really have not worked since last June other than one show in Oct that I played guitar for my friend Ty Herndon that was close to town and I could drive my own car. So it has really been a long time since I have worked and generated income and I’m unclear as to when or if I will be able to go back on the road at all this year. For every cancer there are different chemo’s and for every person those different chemo’s can effect people differently. I’ve had some friends that couldn’t get out of bed and others who managed to somewhat work 3-4 days a week while on chemo. I was on 4 potent chemo’s all together that have pretty much kept me tied to the couch or the bed the majority of the time. Playing shows on the road is how I make the majority of my income. When you are ill and can’t work, it doesn’t take long for bills like utilities, mortgage, property tax, income tax, groceries and so on to pile up. Now add on hospital and doctor bills. Even with insurance you still have to pay your part plus your deductible. The fact that I only worked a few months last year doesn’t help the situation at all either.

I’ve been very honest about my blog and journey so I will also be honest about this. Just because you’ve had some success in the entertainment business does not mean you are rich by any means especially if you have to take over a year off work. Most of us still have to work to make ends meet and after getting cancer that has become a challenge just like it is for many cancer patients or anyone diagnosed with an illness with longterm treatment like cancer.

Well one of my closest friends who is like a sister to me Terri Clark reached out to another extremely close person in my life Suzanne Alexander and together they scheduled a benefit show for me. I did not want the benefit and had told Suzanne that the month before when it was brought up in another conversation. Without me knowing about it they had already planned it all. They had even booked the artists that wanted to come play.
See…that’s just what Nashville does. When they see an artist friend in need the step up to the plate and help out. I am so very fortunate to be working in an industry that supports each other in time of need. That is definitely a huge part of the Nashville music community that I have always loved.

On one hand I really needed the help financially but on the other hand I guess I was to proud to admit I needed help and it would go public on top of that. I felt embarrassed to allow it to go on. I have always been the one on stage performing at fundraisers and benefits and many of them were for cancer but this time I would be “the” benefit. I have worked since I was 16. Worked a full time job and paid for my college while I was working full time and playing in a band. I’ve always been independent so this would be the first time I had ever received outside help financially and that felt very odd. I was angry for being sick. Angry that I couldn’t work. Angry that I had to accept that my friends wanted to help me. My pride was damaged I guess you could say. As upset as I was about having to accept this benefit being put together for me I was also filled with love that my friends wanted to do this.

When they told me the names of everyone that was going to be performing I got upset again but this time for another reason. See, first and foremost I’m a fan like all music lovers. When I read the list of names all I thought about was “what if I can’t be there? I haven’t even booked my surgery date yet. What if I’m in the hospital or too sick to be there?” I did not want to miss this show and if it wasn’t a show about me I sure would have bought a ticket to be there.
Thank God I was able to go.

So tonight, March 13th happened. The benefit, My benefit, The Celebration.
I can’t even begin to tell you how my heart was filled. To see my artists friends come together like this for me was so surreal and to look out into the audience and see so many friends and fans left me speechless. They titled the night “A 90’s Country Night Unplugged”. Since my career started in the 90’s they wanted to celebrate 90’s country music and had some of my best artists friends from the 90’s there. I just cried all night. People that meant the world to me came out to show their support from those on stage to everyone in the audience. Though I felt strange and embarrassed by having to have this benefit, it turned into something much bigger than a benefit. The love that was in that building was better than any church service I had ever been to and trust me…I’ve been to a lot! God was all up in that building for sure.

I have played many benefits in Nashville but tonight was different.
After the benefit started it turned out to be more of a celebration of love and that I had been given the “cancer free” words from my doctor. At one point I literally thought, “Is this really happening? Did I die and go to heaven and I’m watching my memorial?” That’s literally how I felt. Everyone was so full of love, crying and telling story’s but the story’s weren’t sad and the tears were happy tears. I have never felt so much love in one place and couldn’t believe they were all there to support me and help me through my journey. There are no words to explain how I feel and will always feel from this night. My friends, Wade Hayes, Patsy and Peggy Lynn, Mandy Barnett, Bryan White, Jamie O’Neal, Ty Herndon, Lorrie Morgan, Clay Walker, Steve Wariner, Crystal Gayle, Terri Clark, Suzy Boggus, Pam Tillis all signed up as soon as they were asked to be a part of this night. Every artist that was there really meant something special to me. Either we were tour mates and friends or they influenced me in a major way.

Terri Clark who has been one of my closest friends and tour mate for many years also hosted the event with Suzanne Alexander. They did an awesome and I was really amazed how they had everything together. What a team! Two of the best people you will ever meet.

I had not planned on singing at all nor did I even feel like I could until this happened. Steve Wariner!!! Steve was a huge influence on me as an all around artist and he really influenced me as a guitar player. We have not sang on stage together in over 18 years. He asked me on stage to sing the song he recorded with me “What If I Said” that I had written for my first record. Together we got to share that song as my first number 1 song at radio. I wasn’t going to pass up the chance to sing with him but literally knew that some of the high parts might cause me a problem because I was so sore from just having my surgery. Once we started singing I didn’t care about the pain. I just pushed my little pillow I had for comfort even tighter on my chest. It was so great to sing that song with him again and I think everyone cried at that point.

 

 

As Steve was walking off stage they kept me on the stage and surprised me by bringing out Wynonna on stage to sing. I had no idea she was going to be there. Wynonna and her mother Naomi, “The Judds” were a huge influence on me and really pushed me to make the decision to move to Nashville and try to make it in this business. Though Wy and I have been friends and have recorded a duet together in the past, I’m still the fan I always was and I just cried when she came out on stage. I have no idea how they pulled that one over on me.

 

Then this happened!!
Crystal Gayle!!! Crystal and her sister Loretta Lynn were my two biggest influences as a child. To have Patsy and Peggy Lynn (Loretta’s daughter’s), and Crystal there was so amazing for me. Crystal asked me to sing with her on stage and well…To sing with Crystal has always been on my bucket list so of course I ran to the stage but was afraid I was going to totally mess up but it ended up being so magical for me! I told Crystal the story how I use to lock myself in my bedroom for hours on hours singing her and Loretta’s songs and swinging my pretend long hair around. It was really just the best to get to sing with he

I really don’t know how I got through those performances…it had to be the love in the room that got me through them!

All of these artists mean something very special to me and have been my friends and to have them all show up and sing for me just meant so much. A friend said to me “we celebrate funerals, so why not celebrate the good news of beating cancer?” Everyone should throw a party when they get that news. That’s what it felt like. “A celebration of my life”. I’m so thankful for everyone that was there to support my journey whether they were on stage or in the audience. Friends and love filled every inch of the building.

So many people that were there have reached out to me and told me how much they needed that night. That the love and support was so strong it actually lifted them up from something they were going through or it showed them that in a world that can sometimes seem so selfish that humanity was still alive and well! It was really a magical night. I was also told that one person who had moved to Nashville not long ago was thinking about moving away until she saw the love at tonights show. She said she wanted to belong to a community like this who shows love and that she was going to stay! Another person who had moved away a few years ago was thinking of moving back to Nashville and had come into town to see if this “felt like home” to her. She was undecided until going to this show tonight. She said “yes, after seeing this tonight, this feels like home”.

The love I felt from tonight meant more than any dollar amount that was made.
It definitely fueled my spirit to get me through the rest of my treatment.

I had mentioned in my last blog that I had been working on a couple projects when I could while being sick. Another highlight that happened for me was that we got to show everyone what those were tonight. I have written a song about my cancer journey. It’s a fight song. I was fortunate to have a couple friends of mine help me record it and another few friends helped me shoot a video for it so we showed that video tonight for the first time. It was very emotional for me. Pam Tillis, she too being a cancer survivor was standing next to me while we watched and we both were crying. Once we are ready to release this I will blog more about the story behind it. Let’s just say it’s a little way for me to pay it forward and to maybe help someone else get through a hard journey.

There really are no words to explain how much I appreciate this night and how much it was needed mentally and financially. I hope it has forever changed me.
Life gives us all experiences to go through and many times we say and feel that an experience changes us forever. But sometimes, shortly after that experience we somehow slip back into our old ways. I really hope that I stay changed forever from what I witnessed tonight and through my whole cancer journey. I hope everyone that was at the show applies how they felt tonight to the rest of their lives. Love and humanity still exists. Be a part of it! Do something good for someone else. Love and appreciate everyone that’s in your life because they can be taken away without a warning.

For any of you who know someone who is battling an illness like this it can effect every aspect of someones life. Please ask them what they need. Put together a benefit for them, a celebration of their life. Some people may be like me and be too proud to ask or not want to accept it but if they need it they will allow you to do it. I promise you it will make you feel really good inside to help someone who needs something like this. I’m sure there are many people who think I’m financial set and wonder why I would need a benefit or anything else but trust me, they are wrong. When I don’t work, I don’t get paid just like anyone else. Cancer treatments not only effects your body, it can destroy your bank account, cause you to lose your job or even have to file bankruptcy. My doctor looked right at me and said “cancer won’t be what kills you, it will be stress”. When someone is battling a serious illness the last thing they need to deal with is financial issues from it trust me. It’s a continuous thought and can make your illness much worse. You can also help them find charity’s around your town that could help them or research their disease and see if there are financial aid grants for them. They do exist.
For those who are sick and afraid to ask for help or accept it, please don’t be. It makes people feel good to help.
Remember, it’s not about getting a hand out, it’s about getting a hand up.

March 14th

I haven’t been sleeping at all for months but last night one of the reasons I couldn’t sleep was because I was flying so high from the benefit. I got out of bed to see my Facebook page full of videos from it and that pretty much consumed my whole day. So many people calling, texting, emailing or face booking about the night. I sat there in aw thinking again….”gosh they did that for me” and again I started to let the negative thought of my pride being hurt and I started to become angry again that I was sick. I recalled a conversation that Terri Clark and I had had the month prior. She said “Look, you have performed at so many benefits for people all over so just look at it as if you paid it forward to yourself”. I opened up my Facebook page and it showed a pop of memory from March 14, 2010 that I performed at a cancer benefit. Wow, really? Isn’t that strange?